Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Now, this could be something long overdue since the day I witnessed how young boys are threatened with guns right smack their faces. I don’t know what seeing things like that mean for you now that I’ve come to know that the same events don’t necessarily represent the same things to every individual. It could border relativity, but it is never the same.
For quite a while now, I’ve been struck with ailing concern for realism. I’m not trying to be philosophical or anything, but being so overly rational (even negative) through my dispositions shows that I’m living a rather pragmatic existence. It shouldn’t have taken this much time for it to occur, but I’ve only come to terms with it now. Being down to earth is a good thing in itself. However, too much practicality would hinder one’s aspirations or desires—which, I think, is exactly what’s happening to me now— and for any individual who has struggled with existential crisis for so long, this isn’t a good sign. As to why I am so darn concerned with reality and what is truly there, I have to say it has a lot to do with my need for stability. And now, it seems having to wake and make sure that everything is real has become too tiring. I’ve had enough of reality for now. Let me back that up with a realization: the truth that stability is an illusion. At any given point in time, anyone can die. These bodies are too frail. The fact is that life is about constantly struggling to make ends meet, to balance different aspects within the limited existing time you have, and in the end at least be satisfied with the result.

Looking at this piece, the artist was able to depict the subject of balance through perspective; the concept of a man walking on a line holding a long pole while people gaze at him from below.
Here, the element of heightened perspective stresses reality while the monochromatic use of colors also plays around on perception. On a personal note, it gave a more dream-like, surreal effect on the artwork when it used brown and blue hues.
This artwork strikes me as highly affective for it appeals to my aspiration to actualize dreams. For me, it entails a lot of balancing, risks, and sound perspective to keep things real while one pursues his/her own dreams. This would basically describe the point where I am in life right now.

That’s how I see life these days. And again, I just don’t think life would be worth anything if you aren’t satisfied or at the very least content with whatever you did with it when you’re ready to go. For me, it has to be that way. Whether there is life after death or not, I’d like to leave this human shell completely satisfied knowing I did enough.
There’s a personal standard to life, take what I mentioned above as an example. We all have standards and this has everything to do with perception and preference. I do not impose this idea to everyone, and at the same time, I don’t expect everyone else to agree with what I just said. I’m sure others have another idea of how they would want to live their lives. I prioritize satisfaction a lot. Others may deem it selfish but I actually think selfishness is not evil through and through. I think it drives one to persevere, care for oneself, and even others. In essence, I’m talking about selfishness as a mechanism to extend love from the self to others. In any case, my point is that people will have different views on all sorts of matters. While what I think doesn’t matter at the very least to others, I am very much willing to stand for what I believe in. In that respect, I gave perspective to the meaning of selfishness. In this way, there are really no wrong answers, just how things are and how things should be.
Having flushed my mind so much with reality, I’ve sought comfort from ritualistic, surreal mediums of experience. This was not a very conscious decision at all. It’s something I noticed after a long period of work-related stress. I have the tendency to seek out the surreal whenever I’m compressed with responsibility, decisions, and bad outcomes. Hence, the movie marathons, endless music download, anime series, and surreal Saturday weekends I’ve had going for some time with my friends. Not to mention the alcohol and cigarettes in between. They all but helped keep me together. Not necessarily sane, but just human enough to function and crazy enough to go through the absurdities of the real world unfolding before me. I don’t want to over generalize on things, but I think other people happen to seek out the surreal escapes as well just to get through points of compression. I do believe seeking opposite points is necessary to balance out perspectives and dispositions in one’s own life. So, these days, I no longer feel guilty about taking time out. Worry takes people nowhere. We have to understand there is a difference between being prepared and over-thinking everything to oblivion. I’ve had to tell myself that a lot.
Maybe that’s what my friend has been telling me about Zen, how it’s about taking in both the good and the bad at once. In a way, these experiences have brought me some enlightenment. A lot changes when your own outlook takes a turn, realizations don’t come easily but they are bound to happen. I’m being more accepting these days, by that I don’t mean I’ve given up. I’ve lost and let go of so much in the process. And that could be the truest written yet.

*thanks to Lee Paje for the artwork
click to visit artist's site

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