Saturday, January 1, 2011

O Happy, The End, The End, The End

So, where do I start? I've a lot to say, and at the same time, not mention about 2010. I'd like to forget a lot of things, but hey, let's not be too negative. Just trust me on this one, I don't even need to think about which parts to discard. But, as I go along, I know I will have to face specific facts. Yes, "they" will be included much to your amusement.


2010 started rather well for me. It was steadier than I expected. I left my previous job as a program researcher at a television network and began my career in the BPO industry a.k.a. call center. It was the month of February and I aimed for any kind of job that would let me write. Hence, the job title: Web Copywriter


It wasn't exactly the kind of writing I expected, but it was worth the run. I'm quite surprised companies pay that much for that kind of position. In my opinion, it's the best pseudo-writing job ever. The job description entailed doing night shifts. I became a daysleeper for an estimated 6 months this year. To this very day, my body clock remains quite fucked up. But, never mind that. There were days I got to go home to see the sun rise and feel genuine goodness from people I hardly knew. I got to work with the best office mates, and this is the first time I can say I found real friends at a work place. Now, that would be hard to top.


Other than the fact that it paid the bills and I had a fun working environment, it gave me time to think about what the hell I really want to do with my life. Well, not exactly for the rest of my life, but it definitely helped me know myself a little bit more.


I finally figured out one thing worth doing. More importantly, I realized I'll regret not doing that one thing if I don't do something about it soon. Yes, regret is enough reason for me to do this, and I look forward to pursuing that great perhaps in 2011.


Other highlights for 2010 (in no particular order):



Waps won 2nd place in the Palanca this year



'90s and New Wave Nights



The first Marian workshop outside school



The last Happy Monday



Nonsensical times with Washu


Random nights with Helen


With the lovelies: (left)Paula, (right) Regina




Pagudpud / Ilocos trip with my office mates



My 23 at Banapple



The Adworks Rally: Clowning around


'80s Theme Day Champs!


In between days: Paper folding


I officially left the company last December 17, partly to pursue what I want, and mainly to spend more time with my family. I would have wanted to stay longer, but the working conditions didn't prove very favorable for the situation I was about to face.


Last September, I accepted a different position in the company for better, more promising "compensation". The job entailed editing websites by answering calls-- yes, this is the part I truly hated about my job. I joined Helpline. Honestly, If it wasn't for the people and the money, I wouldn't have second thoughts about quitting. I decided to stay. Then again, I just had to brace myself for more serious news.


My father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last October. It really was a kind of wake-up call. But I have to admit, news like that can really be paralyzing. I mostly don't know what to feel or what to think these days.


This is the strangest Christmas season of my entire existence yet. Now, I wouldn't exactly say everything went downhill from there, because frankly, I've had to face other dreadful news from the very start of 2010. I guess all the depressing stuff just had to pile up by the end of this year. Nevertheless, forward I must go.

***

For you, my dear friend, I'd like to share a poem by Mary Oliver to help get you through your days.



Daisies

It is possible, I suppose that sometime
we will learn everything
there is to learn: what the world is, for example,
and what it means. I think this as I am crossing
from one field to another, in summer, and the
mockingbird is mocking me, as one who either
knows enough already or knows enough to be
perfectly content not knowing. Song being born
of quest he knows this: he must turn silent
were he suddenly assaulted with answers. Instead
oh hear his wild, caustic, tender warbling ceaselessly
unanswered. At my feet the white-petalled daisies display
the small suns of their center piece, their -- if you don't
mind my saying so -- their hearts. Of course
I could be wrong, perhaps their hearts are pale and
narrow and hidden in the roots. What do I know?
But this: it is heaven itself to take what is given,
to see what is plain; what the sun lights up willingly;
for example -- I think this
as I reach down, not to pick but merely to touch --
the suitability of the field for the daisies, and the
daisies for the field.


***

I wouldn't say 2010 was all that bad, to be fair. I have so much good things to write, I just can't fit them in to one blog entry. This year held great moments, and no doubt, there were a lot of tough and painful times too. I don't know how I'm holding up really, I'm just surprised I haven't folded in yet. And for that, I am truly thankful.


I almost forgot to mention, I got my tattoo this year.

It will suffice.


Everything I've been through makes me just as much as they break me. All I really want to say is, I am very grateful. I'm just glad to welcome another year into my life. And from the bottom of my heart, I wish everyone a smashing new year! Cheers to 2011!

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